Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
