I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
