i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
