so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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