Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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