Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Olympian is in my bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
