It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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