it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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