Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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