Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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