is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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