i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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