I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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