FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
