I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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