She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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