At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just invented taco cereal.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
