Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize