Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
