and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
