i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
