i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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