there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
