when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
