I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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