You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize