If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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