You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
