I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize