i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
