i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wear drunk well.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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