I think my fart just growled at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
