i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
