he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
