How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize