so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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