I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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