I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
