my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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