So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
