and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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