Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
