I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
