believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
