She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
