i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
