were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
