y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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