Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
