I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
