I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize