PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
