I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
