Umm I'm too high to move.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have post one night stand depression
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
