My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
