I just threw up on my dentist
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
