That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
