Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
