You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
