either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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