I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
