I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
