so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
