Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
