I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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