I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I supernannyed him into submission
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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