that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
