Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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